Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.

As a society, there are so many things that we could try to be better at. Extending our kindnesses would be one. We could begin with kindness towards ourselves and then extend that kindness towards others. As we learn to be kind, one of the more important things that we could try to improve with simple kindness would be how we as a society treat our elders. We have a tendency to stumble here. We're too busy skipping through life as if we will never get old, and then, when we do, we’re shocked. Let me tell you, it's a sobering moment when you look in the mirror and see gray hair and wrinkles. For being such a civilized and accomplished nation, we fail to adequately recognize this reality and as a result fall short when it comes to the senior population. How sad for us since we'll all be there, sooner than later.

It’s important for us to remember than even in this youth oriented society; we’re ALL going to get old. It’s amazing how many people never think about this. I know I never thought about it. I thought I was still in my 30s when I realized I was closing in on the half century mark with the speed of light. It's not important how long ago that dose of reality slapped me around. Granted, some of us will age faster than others, but we’re all headed down that road eventually, if we’re lucky. As we sit around rubbing our bad knees while we age, we ought to be looking around at those who surround us and perhaps think about how they will treat us if anything like frailty or dementia visits us. Unless you’re Blanche DuBois you cannot sit back and depend upon the kindness of strangers. As for myself, I happen to believe in Karma. If you do good things, good things will happen to you - if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you. In other words, what we give is what we’ll get in return. If we treat our elders or elderly parents like second class citizens that have nothing left to offer, then our own children will learn from us, and this is how they will care for us. Frightening, isn’t it?

According to Heather Aeschleman, in an article for the Elder Law Journal, by 2050, the minorities make up less than 20% of the senior population. However, the Hispanic/Latino population will increase from 1.9 million to 13.8 million. Asians will increase from 783,000 to 5 million, while African Americans will increase from 2.8 million to 7.6 million. That’s a lot of multi-generational households. She goes on to say that these minorities face many barriers in accessing nursing homes. Overt discrimination by nursing home operators is one problem. Another is the high cost of nursing care. Yet another is the inability to purchase long term care insurances. These are all viable arguments for the existing disparity that is seen in nursing homes, but she fails to address the reluctance of so many minorities to access these services. There are some very valid reasons for this.

Keeping family together is very important to many minority cultures. In the Hispanic/Latino community care of the elderly is provided by the family and extended family, often residing in the same home. These families are not likely to seek long term care from outside sources, choosing instead to take on this responsibility themselves. Elders are respected, obeyed and looked upon as sources of wisdom by all family members. In my own family, my grandfather lived with us when we were young, and then with one of my aunts until he became so frail that my mother brought him to her house and cared for him until he died. My grandmother was in her own house until she became ill, and then, once again, my mother, as the eldest daughter, brought her into her home. As a result, we all have a healthy respect for the elderly. This is not unusual in our culture. This is also very often the case in African American families who in addition to family, often include a network of friends who are considered family. Native Americans and Asian groups, including Japanese, Chinese and Filipino, treat their elders in a similar way, also choosing to take on the responsibility rather than going outside the home. In these cultures, it’s very important to “care for their own.”

In this country, most of these minority cultures revere their elders, doing everything that they can to keep them in their own homes. When the time comes that this is no longer possible, the sons or daughters, or in some cases, the grandchildren, will bring them into their homes to care for, or they will move in with them. It never occurs to the greater majority of these minority cultures to move them out to a skilled nursing facility, more commonly known as “rest homes or nursing homes.” Yes, there are times when these families will place their elders in a nursing home, but these instances are the exception.

Interestingly, the result is that nursing homes remain overwhelmingly white, despite the changes that have made this country more ethnically diverse. Despite the fact that minorities make up 16% of the 65 and older in this country, they make up only 7% of the nursing home residents. Yes, there are income barriers, discrimination and lack of insurance, but the desire to keep the family together is a bigger reason for many families.

For the past several years I’ve had the pleasure of working with the elderly in a variety of different ways. From assisting them with Medicare issues to arranging transportation and in some instances transporting them when there were no other options available to them. While spending time with them either talking with them, laughing with them or simply listening to their reminiscences of times past, and more recently, dancing with them, I’ve discovered and appreciated everything that they have to offer. The lucky ones are still part of a family surrounded by loving and caring relatives. Others are in nursing homes or skilled nursing facilities because they have no other place to live and no family to help care for them.

It is in settings where the seniors are no longer in their own homes that we could extend our kindnesses more often. If we open our eyes it’s not all that difficult for us to look down the road and place ourselves in their shoes. What would it cost each one of us to go to any one of the several nursing homes in the area and talk to the Nursing staff or Activity Director to find out who never gets visits from friends or family? Let’s face it, most people believe that they do not have time to volunteer, but most everyone can spare an hour a week to give back to the elders in the community. It’s a lot more rewarding than spreading their derrieres in the easy chair and gripping the remote control. Try it, you might find that you like it. Take your children if they have no grandparents, what they stand to gain from this experience far outweighs what they’ll lose by spending an hour or two in front of the television or computer.

Happy New Year! ¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

By reenee, Santa Maria

Ah yes, another year is here. A time to look forward to all of the wonderful things you might accomplish this coming year. An exciting new year with no mistakes in it yet. Looking forward is always better than looking back at our bonehead mistakes in the past, don't you think? Some of us never learn from our mistakes anyway, so it's best to just let them go. Why focus on our mistakes when we all have that one special someone who is always ready, willing and able to remind us?

January 1st is after all the time for resolutions and a new beginning for most of us. On my own blog, I suggested that people go easy on themselves with their resolutions, unless they have the tenacity to go through with them. Some of us have a tendency to overreach what we're capable of, especially when prodded by others that want us to do something or make a change for them. When we fail we end up feeling guilty over not following through.

Therefore, save yourself from really serious resolutions! You'll no doubt be needed for more important tasks throughout the year. You might be called upon to settle an argument, or perhaps to start one. You might be the one responsible for putting together the family reunion, or a big birthday bash for a close friend. You might be the only one who knows how to prune the roses! Or, you might be the only male in your family who asks for driving directions or reads instructions! You'll need all of your faculties for a number of things throughout the year, so it's best to not get bogged down with petty little issues that are beyond your abilities or interests.

Yes, we all must make an attempt to recognize our own limitations. After all, isn't that what Harry Callahan told us? To give you an example, I would never take on my mother's suggestion that I resolve to visit my extended family more often this coming year. I never visit family. There's a reason for this. I know already that it never pans out. I recognize that I cannot keep my mouth shut. I usually express my honest opinions to those that would prefer to remain in denial. Therefore, I'm never a good guest to have around for "small talk." Come to think of it, that might be why I never made it into politics, or into the diplomatic arts.

So, for your entertainment, here are some resolutions that you might be interested in to get you started.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. You might be missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Don't date Paris Hilton or Colin Farrell.
7. Take a vacation to someplace important; like to see the largest ball of twine.
8. Don't have eight children at once.
9. Start being superstitious.
10. Set a personal goal to bring back disco.
11. Don't wrestle with The Rock.
12. Don't bet for or against the Minnesota Vikings.
13. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Tint the windows. Buy fur for the dash.
14. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
15. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
16. Don't eat cloned meat.
17. Create loose ends.
18. Get more toys.
19. Get further into debt.
20. Believe all politicians.
21. Break at least one traffic law.
22. Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
23. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
24. Stay off the MIR space station.
25. Don't worry that mad cow disease will cause the end of the world.
26. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
27. Wear a cheerleading outfit to work and talk about Bill O'Reilly. Pretend you don't think he's an idiot.
28. Spread out priorities beyond any ability to keep track of them.
29. Wait around for opportunity.
30. Focus on the faults of others.
31. Mope about your own faults.
32. Drive on sidewalks when you're in a hurry.
33. Keep your back to the wall and knives out of the hands of others.
34. Believe everything you read in the National Enquirer.
35. Put your dog, cat, self on a diet...someday.
36. If you cannot be a role model for someone, at least serve as a good warning.
37. Never suffer in silence when you can moan, whimper, and complain.
38. Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
39. Become even more self absorbed.
40. Find someone to blame before you begin that new project.
41. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.
42. Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
43. Resolve to only read books that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
44. Quit wasting time reliving the past; spend it worrying about the future.
45. Be spontaneous, as long as you have a good plan.
46. Assume full responsibility for your actions, except for those that are someone else's fault.
47. Do not sit in the living room all day in your underwear. Instead, move your computer into the bedroom.
48. Honor and express all facets of your being, regardless of state and local laws.
49. Learn Pig Latin and use it at work.
50. Sing in full elevators.
51. Learn to graze in the produce sections of grocery stores.
52. Rent a Seinfeld episode and learn the "Elaine Dance."
53. Write to "Dear Abby" for advice instead of using your head.
54. Speak in clichés once a week.
55. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
56. Learn about how New Year's resolutions got started and why.

Yuletide Greetings To All

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."

By reenee, Santa Maria

Why do so many people get so riled up when someone says, "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"? Coming from the "live and let live" school of thought, this entire debate escapes me. There are far too many different religions out there all celebrating their view of the holiday season, to expect that everyone should say "Merry Christmas."

There's also Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa and Happy Hanukkah, just to name a few, all happening about this time of year. Then there's the Jehovah's Witnesses who do not celebrate Christmas at all because they do not participate in "pagan celebrations," because they say that Jesus was not born on December 25. What shall we say to them? Are they not Christians too?

So, is Christmas based on Pagan origins? Some say yes. The exact dating of Christmas has been a subject of great debate and disagreement, although tradition and custom has it affixed now to December 25th. This date has little to do with actual Christian history and much to do with attempts by Christians to appeal to potential pagan converts by appropriating their own festivals of Saturnalia and Brumalia. Indeed, the earliest calendars to even list December 25 as Christmas do not appear until 336 C.E. Pope Julius formally selected December 25 as the day of Christmas in 349 C.E.

There is no hint in the Gospels about the time of the year when Jesus is supposed to have been born--except that it couldn't have been midwinter, because in that part of the world this is the rainy season and shepherds would not be out at night. This means that early Christianity found itself in the odd position of trying to tell everyone about what they claimed was the most tremendous birth ever without being able to say when it happened.

How about the entire Christmas/Holiday tree issue? Originally, trees were decorated by Pagans, but they never cut them down and dragged them inside, that would have been too destructive for them. The 16th century Germans began the custom of bringing them into the house. They brought this custom to the United States about 1700. In 1850 the idea of the Christmas tree became popular with the general public.

There has been much controversy throughout the ages about most of the holidays recognized as religious. Religious Tolerance is not just a motto. It is something that should be practiced by everyone, due to the diversity in this country. People that bully others, be they individuals or large retail stores to say "Merry Christmas" do not know very much about tolerance or history.

People in the U.S. and Canada are going to need religious understanding and tolerance in the future, because these are the currently most religiously diverse countries in the world--and we are becoming increasingly diverse. If current trends continue, Protestants will become a minority by 2006, Christians will become a minority in the U.S. about the year 2042, and in Canada about 2023.

I'd like very much to refer people to the December 17th entry on the blog entitled "archy." He very succinctly says, GROW UP YOU INSUFFERABLE CRYBABIES. Well, I must agree. For those of you that will not visit "archy", he goes on to say that there are much more important issues to worry over, than how you are greeted in a store. Hunger, despair, diseases that go unchecked in Third World countries, illiteracy in our own country, just to name a few. The idea that something as innocuous as being greeted with "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings," by someone whose religious beliefs they don't know, is getting people riled up, is truly ludicrous.

While I do not share her belief, I respect that my mother is very devout in her Catholicism. The rest of my family, immediate and extended, exhibit various levels of this belief with a few non-believers for whatever reason. There are some of different faiths, with a sprinkling of Pagan tossed in just for fun. I cannot speak for any of them, with regards to the "Happy Holidays" debate, nor would I want to. I have the utmost respect for other faiths and would never denigrate what they feel or believe. At the same time, I want my own choices to be respected as my own, as I respect theirs as in Ethics of Reciprocity. Isn't this after all, the "Golden Rule" no matter what your faith is?

For another mind boggling eye opener, don't forget the entire Santa Claus connection. His origins are also Pagan. Most religious historians and experts in folklore believe that there is no valid evidence to indicate that St. Nicholas ever existed as a human. In fact, there are quite a few indicators that his life story was simply recycled from those of Pagan gods. Many other ancient Pagan gods and goddesses were similarly Christianized in the early centuries of the Church. The Christian church created a fictional life history for St. Nicholas. He was given the name Hagios Nikolaos (a.k.a. St. Nicholas of Myra).

This season means many different things to many different people, and celebrating and embracing those differences when we find them could enrich us all. So, regardless of your faith or traditions, may peace find each of you at this special time of year.

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Winter Solstice! Happy Kwaanza! Happy Ramadan! Seasons Greetings!

Common Sense vs Governments

By reenee, Santa Maria

In an interesting twist of priorities, the Santa Maria City Council has nixed a homeowner's request to remove a tree from in front of his house. Root damage? No problem, they'll fix it they say. Let's take a look at how they've fixed it in the past, shall we? This particular sidewalk was patched in 1985 and 1988 as a result of root damage, then it was removed and replaced in 1990. It was patched again in 1997, and again, earlier this year. Now, it's on the list for replacement on the 2006 schedule. I for one would love to know how much this repetition has cost the city, both materials and labor, since it's common knowlege that it takes a crew of no less than six to seven people to do the work.

He needs to widen his driveway? No problem they say, expand towards the neighbor's property. Branches fall off of the tree? No problem, we'll clean them up, they say. You don't like the tree? No problem, when you get old like us, you'll appreciate it. How condescending and pompous is that? This is a young couple wanting only to make improvements to their property, they aren't stupid, and they aren't unappreciative. Instead of cooperation, they got arguments and reminiscences of tree climbing.

I'm willing to bet that this couple would have been happy to replace this tree with another, perhaps even two trees that would not be so damaging to their property or the city sidewalks. I wonder how many of these city council members objected to the removal of all of the trees that were ripped out by their roots right behind city hall over on McClelland Street. Oh wait! Perhaps they weren't "heritage trees." Besides, the library needed expansion, and I'm sure that those trees are sitting on ice somewhere ready to be replanted. Yeah, that must be it.

Considering that the Recreation and Parks Department earmarks more than $300,000 for trees, you'd think that all the trees all over the city would look better. However, a drive around town will tell you that some trees are not as well maintained as others, and neither are the sidewalks. I wonder why.

I happen to know from personal experience that if a tree or bush is on a corner, and a police officer driving by says that it obscures the view of oncoming traffic to drivers trying to cross the street, that tree or bush will be removed, no matter how long it's been there. Yes, it happened to me. However, as I digress, when large vans or industrial sized pickup trucks are parked more than 18 inches from the curb, obliterating the view of traffic for the hapless souls backing out of a driveway, or on a corner, obliterating the view of traffic for the hapless souls trying to drive across a street, nothing is done. Why is that? I was seriously thinking about painting the curb red, just west of my driveway, you think anyone would notice?

"It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense."

Next big problem for me when I'm not busy minding my own business is the way in which Arellanes Junior High School dealt with Hector Maldonado. I can understand calling the law if someone has a weapon, but a "scuffle"? There were originally four boys, ages 12 to 14, involved in two fights, but only two were taken to Juvenile Hall. Arellanos Principal, Carl Sousa says, "Santa Maria-Bonita School District rules mandate that law enforcement be notified whenever there is a conflict between two students." Apparently some administrators do not know the meaning of discretion. Cops being used as the last resort, or as a teaching tool is why a five year old Florida girl was handcuffed last April.

Officials of the local school district, county sheriff and federal immigration services say they are only following procedure that applies to every juvenile who is arrested and then determined to be in the country illegally. How about if the school tries to contact the parents about the student's behavior before calling the cops? How about if the cops try to find out if the parents are here legally before calling immigration? How about if immigration contacts the parents to try to further determine as to their resident status? The Public Information Officer at SMBSD, Maggie White says, “The school district and the school didn't do anything to create this situation, if anyone did this, it was the students involved.” But, Ms White, if common sense had kicked in at any one of several levels, would this 13 year old child have been driven all over the state in chains? This reminds me of the story of the men who were chasing a chicken they wanted to eat. When the chicken ran into a barn to hide, they blew up the barn to kill it.

Perhaps the people that are in positions that allow them to gloss over the real problems, or like to pass the buck, ought to imagine being the parents of a 13 year old that has been taken away. Then, they need to imagine what we'd all be paying for our fruits and veggies and wines if the undocumented workers, or illegal aliens, as the whiners like to call them, weren't here.